Dying (III)

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Musical Accompaniment:

Clint Mansell - Emotional Connections

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The stars in the night sky
Countless in supply
Answers to the why
This life passes us all by

There are people just like me
Wherever they may be
Few and far between
Slipping by unseen

That jogger in the park
A mother crying in the dark
Our minds made from the same spark
A ship waiting to embark

And no matter where we put to port
Things always tend to go athwart
Our ambitions we abort
For the dream is far too short

So we listlessly set sail
Desperately wishing for a gale
To take us beyond the Pale
To find the Holy Grail

This is the sleep that never ends
Where everything transcends
A time to make amends
A place for only friends

Shackles of Humanity: The Tale of Kneeknock Rise

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Musical Accompaniment:

Matthew Perryman Jones - Stones from the Riverbed

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It was always cloudy at Instep but only seldom fell the rain
And when then on occasion, nothing ever was the same

For the village was haunted by some wicked unseen monster
Who, in the summer storms, down from the peak would saunter

The townsfolk had their lore which told how to keep the creature at bay
A candle in the window would see the beast move on its way

For this reason it’d been generations since the wraith had taken a life
But upon my arrival in the Mammoth Hills the time was far past ripe

A cretin or a simpleton, so was my uncle known
A poet misconstrued, from the village he had flown

Two storms into the summer and he was yet to reappear
My Uncle Ott had paid the price of those who don’t adhere

I couldn’t understand why nobody seemed to care
So I mustered up my bravery as god rained out the summer fair

Up the mountain I ran and when at last I reached the top
Two things there I did find: a cave and my Uncle Ott

It was then I heard the howling echoing up out of the blackness
But when Ott explained its source to me I was overcome by sadness

It was just a geological oddity, the tales weren’t true at all
T’was the whistling of a hot spring which had the villagers enthralled

As I listened to the sounds, I had an awful realization
The tradition of the beast was for the village a foundation

Could I, in good faith, explain that which made them so unique
Was nothing more than a vent of steam up on the mountain peak?

For days Ott had been debating very much the same
But for me the answer seemed then actually quite plain

The village must learn of this, I thought, as I raced back down the slope
To know the truth comes first, with the repercussions they must cope

Soaked to the bone eventually at Instep I arrived
And the townsfolk were amazed that I had made it back alive

Then I unmasked the Megrimum with only somewhat reservation
But to my surprise, instead of shock, I was met with agitation

Stop spinning yarns, they told me, who would believe such a still story?
I couldn’t understand their doubt so I just told them I was sorry

Then I was cast out of Instep as the summer drew to a close
For when faced with faith and reason, it was the Megrimum they chose

I was an outsider and wasn't raised in the mountain’s wake
It was less obvious to me how very much then was at stake

To denounce all you’ve ever known is never an easy thing to do
But it’s wise – even imperative to enhance your field of view

It’s ok to say goodbye to the things you once held dear
Of enlightenment and change there’s no reason to have fear

There’s order in the chaos, life’s beautiful all the same

And whether by god or happenstance, the difference lies only in the name

Adrift

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Musical Accompaniment:

Trampled by Turtles - Are You Behind the Shining Star

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I lit the fuses all at once and then watched starry-eyed

As the technicolor explosion lit your face and then suddenly died

Eventually I ran out of things to say

And I didn't have the feeling you wanted me to stay

But now I wonder if maybe I made a mistake

Perhaps the reason it's 3AM and I'm still lying here awake

I know that isn't true but I've never been that persuasive

And it doesn't help at all that my subconscious is so invasive

I'm confident the decision I made was right

Only briefly burns the flame that dares to burn so bright

But now I'm in the darkness and I don't know what to do

There's no one here for company; I've just myself to talk to

And yet sometimes I still see the fireworks glowing in the distance

And it's then that even I must question my persistence

I can't live in the moment because I'm too focused on the past

I'm adrift on the Phoenician Sea and by the Seven is she vast

I can only hope the current takes me to somewhere I belong

And that the light on the horizon isn't just another siren's song

Phantom Heart

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Musical Accompaniment:

Fear of Men -Luna

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Sweet sleep, you have abandoned me

I lay awake like an amputee

And feel the pangs of my phantom heart

Wondering where this fell apart

So many things lost in the fire

No longer certain of my desire

I try my best to put it out of my mind

But I'm tempted by the thought of pushing rewind

In many a bottle I have confided

Hoping in the morning it will have subsided

But the anguish returns ever anew

With emotions and thoughts I cannot construe

Like some great tumultuous hurricane

This heartache is making a mess of my brain

And it plagues me every night I'm in bed

Like a neutron bomb going off in my head

I try my best to fight it but I'm no match for its persistence

Though there are ways to escape the pain if I dare to go the distance

Sometimes I wish it were tangible so I could look it in the eye

Before I close mine one final time and wish the world goodbye

Menetekel

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Musikalische Begleitung:

Pearl Jam - All or None

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Siegen brach mir nichts als Schaden
Am Ende der Strömung gabs nur Kaskaden

Mehr als mühsam wars zum Ziel zu navigieren
Deswegen tats auch weh dort alles zu verlieren

Mit klopfendem Herz und komplett ohne Plan
Fiel ich tief hinab in den kalten Ozean

Ich erkannte nicht die Schriften an den Wänden
Also find ich mich jetzt hier mit nassen leeren Händen

Es ist ein hoher Anstieg wieder oben zu gelangen
Und die Kraft find ich nicht mehr, um mit Klettern anzufangen

Zu spät erkannte ich es war alles oder keine
Eins kann ich noch machen doch die Entscheidung ist nicht meine

Ins schwarze Gewässer wat ich raus meiner Verzweiflung zu erliegen
Und noch immer frag ich mich wie kam das alles bloß von Siegen

Superficial

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Musical Accompaniment:

Matchbox Twenty - All I Need

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I'm no longer building a life, I'm just surviving mine

All this bureaucracy and bullshit, I solve it all with wine

For a few short hours I thought I had it figured out
But the emptiness left in your wake eventually triggered doubt

My suspicions were confirmed and I felt dumb for even hoping

And now I'm in the same old boat: confusion, stress and coping

A friend when it's convenient, a lover on occasion

To make of it anything more would take both effort and persuasion

But I don't know what else to do so I sit here and wait

Emotions all a mess, head full of thoughts I can't keep straight

I guess I've hit a roadblock, I've no idea what it is I want

So I grow tired of waiting and call you up all nonchalant

And as ever the case: my efforts get me nowhere

I sink back into my couch and wonder if I honestly even care

That is where you'll find me, anchored to my lethargic mooring

As my head battles my heart: a war ever enduring

Final December

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Musical Accompaniment:

The War on Drugs - Red Eyes

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Surrounded by the night, I seek solace in the ghosts

Remnants of past lives, they're the ones I miss the most

Every one of my victories and all of my mistakes

They grow taller than the mountains and deeper than the lakes

There's so much to do and see in life but we've done and seen it all

Learn to escape your earthly ties and your true self you will recall

I was once a cobbler, a poet and a king

I've bathed in the light of the universe and drank deep from nature's spring

That each life should prove so onerous is an eternal mystery

We keep going round in circles, no progression in our history

I've never reached enlightenment like so many of my peers

I'm a prisoner of Saṃsāra, idly roaming her frontiers

To try to find your family, human life is much to short

And yet life itself is unbearable without some form of support

All that's left is meditation, we must all learn to remember

So that we must only suffer but one more final December

Problem Solving

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Musical Accompaniment:

Pearl Jam - State of Love and Trust

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Head down, eyes closed, I'll break this chain or break my neck

Legs churning, open ice, shoulder to shoulder bodycheck

I'm gonna make god wish he hadn't even tried

So full of narcotics my brain's completely fried

Funny how this one shows any hope

Guess that's what you get with your back to the ropes

This train's derailed, can't get it back on the track

The world sits in silence and awaits the impact

This one's mine, I'll make of it what I can

Even if I fail as I've done time and again

I'm not gonna waste my emancipation

I'll barrel right through the doubt and frustration

If you find me shattered amongst the wreckage

Consider these words my last honest message

Internal/External

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Musical Accompaniment:

Snow Patrol - Set Fire to the Third Bar

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Perhaps just a smidgen?

I can't even give you that

Have you completely lost your religion?

It's nothing to shake a stick at

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Meet you half way there?

No, I think I'll have to pass

Do you not even care?

More like I'm running out of gas

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You mind lending a hand?

It'd be the neighborly thing to do

Even if it gets you banned?

I don't like what you're up to

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I thought you wanted to help out?

No, I think I've changed my mind

What are you on about?

No contracts were ever signed

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Aren't these problems all your own?

I just wanted some support

Could you just leave me alone?

I guess I've got one last resort

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Hey, how're you coming along?

I'm about to be run out of town

Really, what went wrong?

I'm sorry to let you down

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Do you still think of me sometimes?

Occasionally, I guess

Have you read any of my rhymes?

Yeah, the make me feel depressed

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Was it really so long ago?

It feels like it's been ages

And what've I got to show?

The truth's there in the pages

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Oh, what happened to your book?

A thousand things and more

Could I have a look?

I don't really see what for

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Could I be in any way of assistance?

Here we go again...

Are you still mad because of the distance?

I'm mad because you could've helped me then

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What did you expect me to say?

I don't know, I feel contrite

Could it have gone any other way?

It wasn't my fault outright

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You think I don't know that?

Of course, my apologies

Then what are you getting at?

The problem's with your ideologies

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My principles are sound

You've never been more wrong

At least I've got my feet upon the ground

Yes, but is that where they belong?

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Vagabondage

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Musical Accompaniment:

Black Label Society - Just Killing Time

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You can't get lost on a Roman road for all roads lead to Rome
But I can't read the way markers and I've traveled far from home

I'm growing weary of the walking, my soles are long worn out

I've been tested by the elements, suffered blizzard, monsoon, drought

My fellow travelers all seem to know their destination

Yet I know not where I am headed despite all my meditation

I was never one to ask for help, I go it best alone

But all these years of wandering have lead me outside my comfort zone

 Yet after inquires and petitions I soon learned to my dismay

There's no one else upon the road who can point me the right way

So I'll steel myself and carry on without a clue where I am going

I'll find out when I get there for the proof is in the knowing

To those not living

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Musical Accompaniment:

Damien Rice - Coconut Skins

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Sure you could go on cautious in this world so full of dangers

You can stick to the people you know and forget that they were once strangers

You can play it by the book and never take a gamble

But the irony of it all, is that it'll still end up a shamble

You can restrict your diet and remain physically fit

Then someday outta nowhere crab hammer scores a critical hit

Time is ever fleeting and one day we'll all be dust

But there's nothing more to come once we're laid beneath the crust

Make the most of what you've got now

Gotta make this life worth it somehow

There's no reason for this hurrying

For god sakes stop this worrying

Enjoy life as it passes by

So you face no regrets when it's time to die

Sisyphus

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Musical Accompaniment:

The National - Afraid of Everyone

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All this time spent on the run

Just to end up back at square one

 Just when I thought I was getting somewhere

I realized I'm climbing a Penrose stair

The repetition is making me nauseous

And all my misfortunes have made me too cautious

 I don't know how to break the cycle

This is old hat in the life if Michael

I don't have the means to help me here

So I'm drowning myself in whiskey and beer

I'm gonna battle with 86 proof

The monsters that've got me up on the roof

But if you see me call out my name

I'm not deaf yet, I'm only to blame

Second Sisters

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Musical Accompaniment:

Death Cab for Cutie - The Sound of Settling

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I've always done quite well

But never in that sense

I've even planted flowers

And watched them grow at my expense

My hyper heart is not a blessing

It's a burden and a curse

And the rarity of my affliction

Only makes the matter worse

I doubt I ever will get back

That which I bestow

That specific form of happiness

I sadly must forgo

I'll be an eternal brother

A true and honest friend

When something weighs upon your heart

I'll have an ear to lend

And when my resolve is tested

I'll try to hold my tongue

I'll sacrifice my emotions

In an heroic act unsung